How to Read Energy and Develop Your Intuition.
In this Doll Diaries, we will be discussing tips and tricks on reading energy, developing intuition, and more. In this day and age, it’s important to be mindful of the energy you allow in your path. Someone’s unbalanced energy can make or break you and your progress. Below I will give you 5 ways to begin developing your intuition and your understanding of others.
Clear up your own biases.
Clueless (1995): Cher and Dionne judging others
One of the biggest things standing in the way of people deciphering someone’s energy or personality is confirmation bias. Confirmation bias was discovered in the 1960s from a cognitive psychologist Peter Wason. He learned that this cognitive error involves favoring ideas that favor preexisting beliefs.
So, if you are a naturally anxious person, you will look in your environment for things that confirm your intrusive thoughts. Your anxiety could cause you to believe that everyone hates you, you will look for “evidence” that confirms that is true. If you are a naturally suspicious person, you will look for ways that people can disappoint you. Even if these things aren’t occurring in your reality, your brain will compartmentalize and make a mind map of things that may have no correlation if you otherwise reflected.
Confirmation bias will cause you to confirm evidence of what you already think is true. Most people will rely on stereotypes when assessing others.
For example, in the movie Legally Blonde, they quite literally thought she was an idiot because she was hyper-feminine, blonde, and genuinely happy. This was off-putting and the antagonists had to find something wrong with her. Once they realized they were loud and wrong, they had egg on their face! Not only was she smart, but she was better than them.
Legally Blonde (2001)
A daily example of confirmation bias in the real world is when it comes to politics, stan culture, and religion. People will blindly defend what they believe, and only look to see “facts” that reinforce those beliefs. If something bad happens to contradict said beliefs, a lot of people will say, “everyone makes mistakes” or flip it on the other party to try to cast doubt on their intelligence. If this bias is activated strongly, people will create an elaborate, vulgar argument due to sticking to your original beliefs instead of evaluating a new one.
This is why social media is our generation’s downfall, because it has stunted us from evaluating beliefs and values in an objective way. We now assess people from a small amount of information before having met them: where they went to college, what their zodiac sign is, are they a Christian or not, etc. Yes, these things can be important to you, but it shouldn’t make you lose your mind and become a dud.
When it comes to viewing people, it’s best to see them as complex instead of “right” or “wrong” because of a subset of beliefs that contrast to yours. It is relatively impossible to develop skills of deciphering energy if you are looking for things that confirm your innermost negative thoughts.
Ask yourself:
Do I have all of the information necessary to make this conclusion?
Is this a case of fact, or my need to be right when it comes to what I feel?
Is it possible that my beliefs are impacting this conversation?
Am I looking for a problem that isn’t there? Am I ignoring problems that are there to make myself feel better?
What ways have I been biased with myself lately?
2. First impressions aren’t always correct.
This is an extension of what confirmation bias can do. When we meet people, we judge them based off of appearances (and that’s a whole other post/discussion…). It’s not always fair.
Andrea’s first impression in the Devil Wears Prada (2006). Gif set by filmgifs.
First impression because of her dreadful outfit: no interest in fashion!
When encountering someone a couple of times, it’s fair to say that getting a read on them is only possible if you are face to face, in person, and in a neutral environment or at the very least on a FaceTime call. You need to know what this person looks like outside of text.
You need to know what they sound like and look like under pressure, in a depressive state, in a joyful mood.
Like discussed in #1, your initial judgment about these surface level facts from them may be incorrect and this is why you collect data over many instances. Your bias is the issue.
Let’s say you have a coworker that doesn’t speak to you much and has an energy of being standoffish. You take it personally and form a dislike towards them, and meanwhile they have social anxiety and you just scared off a potential friend. While it isn’t something you’d immediately know, it’s honestly something you should have considered.
Or when I was in school, and people thought I was “stuck up because I was pretty” or read my books. It is illogical because it occurred in people I hadn’t even spoken to. This is an example of bias creating an inaccurate first impression before I even got the chance to introduce myself. Meanwhile, once I had a fair first impression encounter, those opinions disappeared instantly.
It takes seconds to form a first impression, and everyone has theirs of you, but relying solely upon one encounter or a glance on a random Tuesday in Starbucks isn’t a testament of being a “good judge of character.” What someone may do in the two seconds of meeting you more than likely doesn’t have anything to do with you. Furthermore, people are operating in their own best interest. Just as you are putting on a mask to meet new people, so is everyone else. If they don’t know everything there is to know about you, then the same goes for them. Be fair.
Ask yourself:
What does this person look like under various emotional states and situations?
What is this person’s natural disposition?
Am I judging them based on a first impression, or evidence over time?
Have I spoken to them before? Or am I going off of what I heard?
3. Reflect on your past experiences.
The Burn Book was a collection of judgments the Plastics made without actually knowing people based on a few instances speaking to them, as well as their past experiences with others.
When gathering information on someone, you have to understand that your past can directly influence how you view someone.
For example, if someone is talking about something embarrassing that might have happened to them, your fear of looking bad can dominate the conversation and come across as judgment. This can ruin the opportunity for connection, and fudge the entire evaluation you are trying to achieve of someone. Even the people you hold close change over time, so evaluating them is still something considerate to do.
Everyone, close or a stranger, should be evaluated fairly outside of whatever you feel or think on that day. Make your conclusions freshly, not based on something from 15 years ago that you never got over. What does that person have to do with that? Unless it directly involves them or a prior instance, you are projecting! Whatever resentment you may have needs to be worked out alone to view people with compassion. Dysregulation is what makes it hard for people to read others in the first place. You can’t understand someone from a place you think you know enough about. Remember that as you develop your people skills.
Ask yourself:
Am I being neutral in this situation?
Do I feel dysregulated right now because of my past? How is that impacting my perception of this person?
Am I using logic to evaluate this person, or emotions from experiences prior?
I recommend asking yourself this in a journal or document to see if you are thinking critically!
4. Pay attention to body language.
Britney & Christina are known for their longtime feud. Notice how tense Britney is when Christina gestures towards her in a faux “friendly” fashion. Evaluate the micro expressions on her face, the tenseness of the shoulder bump and the way Christina’s eyes turn after rubbing her shoulder.
This is said a lot, but it is the truth. Nonverbal communication gives away someone’s energy quickly once you recognize how to evaluate it objectively. Gestures that accompany speech speak volumes in comparison to what is said. Facial expressions are the most recognizable form of nonverbal communication around the world.
People often rely on eye contact when evaluating deception, and this isn’t always an accurate barometer due to anxiety, spectrum disorders, etc. It’s important to not engage in a slippery slope. At the same time, eye rolling and looking past someone is a sign of discomfort across most people.
Someone’s body facing towards you with open body language certainly signals that they are comfortable, but someone’s body language of crossed arms signals something negative. Someone being stressed may chew on their lips, purse their mouth, or engage in self soothing behaviors to decrease overstimulation like rocking back and forth.
In the movie Mean Girls, Cady is disinterested and uncomfortable with the mean thing that Regina is doing in this scene. Her crossed arms indicate such, as everyone else is open with their body language and in close proximity.
Next, mirroring. Many people who are masters at body language and communication may mirror what you are doing to convey a positive impression. You can even try this on someone yourself, with guaranteed success. Mirroring means speaking similarly to that person, gesturing similarly, and matching their microexpressions. This is how salespeople close a deal.
Here’s the big one: emotional energy. A huge key component that most people forget is emotional energy. Body language and emotional language go hand in hand. It’s not solely what they say, it’s how they say it.
You know your friend is having a bad day based on their shoulders slumping, their eyes blinking excessively to avoid a tear, their closed off body language, and slow pacing in speech. Well, what if a person you meet doesn’t indicate negative emotions and has been trained to mask body language? That is where emotional energy comes into play.
At the end of the day, though, you can’t successfully mask every single intention you have. Even the most malignant of people fail, especially in company with someone very intuitive.
Someone who is excited for something good happening to you will have an overjoyed inflection in their voice, “I’m so proud of you!!! Congratulations!!!” Even the most dry person has trouble changing the pitch of their voice when they are genuinely happy for someone they love.
Someone who is jealous of something good happening to you will do a fake smile and say, “Oh…congratulations!” There is a delay, because their mind and mouth do not match.
If you are happy for someone, you don’t have to think twice. I like to say if someone looks like they are “buffering” like Windows 98, then something ain’t right. Pay attention to those eyes for a sign of someone’s brain being stuck trying to create stories…they really don’t lie.
Are their eyes creased with a light in them? Is their gaze conveying a cringe when hearing positive news? Are their eyes struggling to keep up with their elaborate story?
Click image to watch a video on how Meghan Markle’s interview indicated and alleged deception.
It takes little to no time to stop talking and just watch this person. If you pay attention enough, you can think of many instances where people have been deceptive and you let it slide!
Ask yourself:
Do their emotional and physical cues match the conversation?
How does their body language and emotional language convey what they are trying to communicate?
Is this person “buffering” trying to anticipate what to say, or are they naturally conveying a genuine spirit?
Are there any special considerations that may impact their cues, such as a spectrum disorder?
5. Trust yourself.
Jhene Aiko - Born Tired
As cliché as it may sound, trusting yourself is the way to go. If you do a heart check by asking yourself the questions above, you can strengthen your trust in your abilities to decipher others. If you have been as neutral and objective as possible (genuinely… ego aside!), then your gut feeling is more than likely correct.
With some people, I could tell that something insidious was on the horizon. While this sounds dramatic, I just knew that it wasn’t always going to be this smooth and that something was coming. I ended up being right due to developing my skills of deciphering energy, tendencies, and understanding myself. Observing anything over time is the proven scientific method of getting accurate results. It works the same for people, including yourself.
Recommendations:
daily meditation
deep breathing
spiritual routines
balancing chakras
Ask yourself:
What is my relationship like with my emotional awareness?
Is my mind open to all possibilities, free of all judgment and fear?
How do I convey to others? Why do I convey myself this way?
What are my pitfalls when it comes to my interpersonal relationships with others?
All in all, it starts with you. I know you don’t want to hear this, but discernment is a YOU problem! Your ego is what’s in the way of discerning character.
People mirror your weaknesses, and if you are weak at figuring someone out, it will show up as a lesson in your life. If you are arrogant and believe you are perfect at figuring others out, it will show up as a lesson in your life. The confusion and turmoil will take over, and you’ll wonder where you went wrong. You went wrong by ignoring yourself, ignoring God, and ignoring guides to the right answer.
I always remember that trusting the way I communicate with myself empowers me to understand any and everyone who comes in my path. While some things are innate due to “gifts”, intuition can most certainly be developed as you discover yourself more and more.
Understanding others is a challenge if you are unwilling to understand yourself. When you open yourself up to understanding, you begin to understand others. Develop your relationship with yourself. Become aware of how you move throughout the world. I promise you will see a difference!
